The Greatest Fanfiction Ever
by mental hopsital escapee
Summary: In which three fanbrats attempt to write fanfiction, and horror ensues. You have been warned.[A Mary Sue Parody]
1. Chapter 1

God, what am I even doing in the Pit? I've gotten so tired of sorting through crappy fics, I've been sticking to rec lists found on livejournal and stopped writing anything.

Yet my friend has been encouraging me to post my drabbles and this random little parody we sorta whipped out around three in the morning.

* * *

A summer night.

The air is still and heat, oppressively hanging over a suburban home. Inside, three wannabe Gothic girls are in a living room, watching TV. All three are staring at the TV obsessively, fixated by the horribly dubbed antics of a trio of ninjas.

At last the show is over, the credits roll, and they wipe the drool off their faces. Life returns to their eyes.

'I just love Naruto!' declares the blond sprightly, as she wipes Cheeto crumbs off her face.

'OMG SASUKE FTW SMEXY ZOMG!!!11!!' screams the girl with light brown hair.

The third girl, a gorgeous, flamingly sexy redhead, hugs herself and squees with delight as fantasies run through her head. Suddenly, she has a fabulous, wonderful, magnificent idea!

'Why, I believe I have thought of something!' she announces, looking for all the world like a scientist who has hit on a brilliant theory. 'We must write a Naruto fanfiction!'

'YYYY' shouts her brown-haired friend named Edna.

What about, Courtney?' questions Leila, the blond.

Courtney grins wickedly and rubs her hands together with masochistic glee.

---

The girls sit around a laptop, a blank word document open and a bottle of Mountain Dew close at hand.

'I think we should write about Sasuke's long lost sister!' Leila says.

Courtney disagrees. 'Naruto's best childhood friend!'

'OMG LIKE SOME SEXY MYSTERIOUS GAWTHIC GIRL WITH DARK DEEP SECRETS!' shouts the always-hyper Edna, and all are suprised she has formed a slightly coherent chain of words.

The girls bicker and bitch for a while, swear words are tossed around, and eventually they hit upon the perfect compromise: Sasuke's long lost, gothic, mysterious sister who is also Naruto's childhood friend, returning to Konoha after many long years (during which she has not aged a bit) of strange adventures, pursued by enemies, and who eventually saves the universe from destruction, simultanelously teaching the characters things about themselves and sparking gay love.

The perfect plot! The Greatest Fanfiction Ever Like Zomg Wow is born!

'Now to plan out a well-crafted plot and characters!' Leila announces, whipping out a notebook and pen.

And they all burst into laughter at the clever joke.

* * *

For those of you ready to flame, remember this is a PARODY. Leila, Courtney, and Edna are nothing like us. In fact, these girls and their story are the epitome of things we hate about fandoms. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: We totally got everything here from reading Naruto sue-journals.

* * *

CHAPTER ONE – THE START OF SOMETHING.

----

'Are you kidding me?' Courtney sighed and pushed Edna away from the computer. 'We need to write an author's note first! In a script form so it's like we're talking! So everyone can know of our SUGAR HIGH!!1ONE!'

'But we're_ not_ on a sugar high,' Leila says.

'Yes, we are.'

And that was that.

----

A/N: HAI THAR GUYZ. Omg we r sooo excited this fic is gunna be awesome just u wait! Disclaimer oooh boy if we owned naruto it would be anudist colony instead of a ninja village n every1 wud b gay 4 eachother alirhgt well maybe just the boys. But not for chouji cuz hes fat and we don't wanna see him naked but sauske omg yes like whoa we would totally go into fanstagsmical squeezing fits WHY KISHI WHY WHY WHY OK SHUTTIN UP NOW

Leila: We cant wait! Lets get started!

Courtney: OMG YES

Edna: CHEESE. I LIKEYS ME CHEESE. CHEESE IS SO RANDOM OMG.

Courtney: snatches cheese not until the chapters posted, bitch!

Edna: NOOOO! dives for the cheese

Edna and Courtney: rabid catfighting

Leila: Well I guess I had better get us started her then folks cuz those two are gonna be out for a while! sigh them and they're cheese…

XXXXPAGEBREAKLOLZXXXX

CHAPTER ONE – THE START OF SOMETHING

Keruisaku Mahalaham was gorgous. No she was incredibly gorgous. People turned to stare as she walked down the street no duh . hHer ravenhair floweed waterfalllikely to her waist and it ended in little ringleted curls in purple. Her eyes were dark and black like her forever tainted soul, for no one could have survived unstainded the many sufferings she had seen. The black evil of this cruel, unblightly planet, the harnshess, the cruel methods of survival, the torture, the...

----

'Courtney, we want a happy story!' Leila cut in.

'CRACK N YAOI TOO!' Edna added.

The tortured artist, Dr. Frankenstein of the literature world, looks up from her creation, birthed by weeks of stress and prolonged anguish, of sleepless nights and wild dreams…

'NO. Angst is COOL.' Courtney dead-pans.

Leila yanks the chair out from underneath her and continues to type.

----

But despite Keruisaku's tormented life, she still manages to be a cheerful bird of good fortune, spreading goodness and wisdom andlove and sunshine everywhere she goes. No one who sees her can forge ther beautiful face, her inifinite boundless resourcful fontain of love, joy, goodness, and kindess.

Everyone wondered how she did it. How she managed to maintain this sunny dispottion despite the hard knockes life threw her way.

She walked in Konoha that morning with her head held high, straiht past the unquestoning guards and into the very center of the shinobi village.

----

Leila stops typing and stares in puzzlement at the screen. 'What the hell?'

They all stare at the various squiggly red lines underneath various words in puzzlement.

'What do you think it means?'

'No idea.'

'Does it matter?'

'Nah.'

Edna licks Cheeto crumbs off her fingers. 'ZOMG My turn!'

----

Kerusaki stood in the shinobi village she remembered many things. Just then some hideous girl-beast with pink hair and green eyes confronted her.

'HAY what are you doing here?' she shouts 'get outa here you don't belong here'

Keriusakal fills her eyes feel with tears this is how it always is everywhere she goes no one ever likes her its just hate hate hate hate HATE! 'ILL GO WHEREVER I WANT TO BITCH'

A blond boy and a SMEXEH boy walk up 'sakura you are so mean' the blond says 'hi my names naruto dattebayo!'

'yeah sakura ur a worthless bitch-whore gtfo' said the dark haired boy. He smiled. 'Im sasuke Uchiha.'

Sakura's eyes fill with tears and she runs away screeching.

Naruto stood around smiling for a minute, then suddenly a lightbulb went off over his head. 'Hey! You should join our ninja three-man team! We'll just kick Sakura off!'

'Great idea, Naruto-kun!' said sasuke with an enthusiastic grin. 'Let's go tell the Hokage and kakashi-sensei this instant!'

Kerusika's eyes light up and she smiles. 'hey aren't you my sister' says sasuke 'and aren't you my bestest friend' says naruto

'omg yes I havnot seen you guyz inSO LONG!' they all hugged and smiled.

And sakura ran away and sizzled up and died GOOD THING THE USELESS WHORE

THE END OF CHAPTER ONE

----

The three girls sit back with a satisfied smile.

'We R GENIUS!' Edna cheers. 'OMG!'

They all exchange high fives and begin to post it.

Edna thinks for a long time, then types 'TEAM _7 flirtatiousing and ninja-mysteries I miss you so much my dearest friend'_ in the title bar. Perfect. Now for the summary.

_A new girl joins team 7 omg sakura hates her but sasuke and naruto and everyone loves her our first fic. Its sooooooo good!! R&r! read and review!plzthxok lolol we can't wait its so awesome read it NOW OR DIE BETCHES LOL yes that right betches is the new bitches! Wheeeee!XDDDDDDDDDDDDD_

Finally the chapter is posted, and the girls give a simultaneous sigh of pride, accomplishment, and relief. Truly, they are headed for greatness.

'I can't wait for the reviews,' Leila squees.

* * *

Next chapter – ZOMG FLAIMES 


End file.
